Letting Go Isn’t Giving Up: A Therapist’s Take on Radical Acceptance

There’s something deeply human about wanting to fix things—to problem-solve, to make sense of the chaos, to hold on tightly when life feels unpredictable. And honestly? It makes sense. We’re wired for survival. Control feels safe. But what happens when we come up against things we can’t change—grief, a diagnosis, a breakup, a past mistake, or just the fact that life isn’t going the way we planned?

This is where the concept of radical acceptance comes in. And no, it’s not about giving up or pretending things don’t hurt. It’s not passive or weak. It’s about making peace with reality as it is, so we can stop wasting energy fighting what we cannot change—and start using that energy to take care of ourselves instead.

What Is Radical Acceptance, Really?

Radical acceptance is a principle rooted in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and at its core, it means fully and completely accepting the present moment, just as it is—without resistance or judgment.

Let me be clear: accepting reality isn’t the same thing as liking it. You can radically accept that something is unfair, painful, or not what you wanted—and still grieve it, feel angry about it, or want it to be different. Acceptance just means you stop fighting the fact that it happened.

It’s like saying: “This is happening. I don’t like it. I didn’t choose it. But it’s real. And I can choose how to respond.”

Letting Go Isn’t Giving Up

Letting go doesn’t mean we stop caring. It means we stop clinging to things that are out of our control—outcomes, people, the past, the fantasy of how things should be.

Think of it like unclenching a fist you’ve been holding tight for a long time. At first, it might feel impossible—like if you loosen your grip, everything will fall apart. But what often happens instead is a sense of relief. Freedom. Breath. Space.

Letting go opens the door to what’s possible now.

Practicing Radical Acceptance in Daily Life

Here are a few ways you might start to play with this idea in your everyday life:

1. Notice the resistance

When something feels really hard, pause and ask, “Am I fighting reality right now?” Just that awareness is powerful.

2. Name what’s true

Try saying (or journaling) a simple truth: “I don’t like this, but this is what’s happening right now.”

3. Use grounding tools

When your mind wants to spiral into “what if” or “why me,” come back to the present moment. Light a candle. Feel the warmth. Focus on your breath. These small sensory rituals can act as anchors when your thoughts start to swirl.

4. Validate your emotions

Acceptance doesn’t mean shutting off your feelings. It means allowing them to be there, without judgment. Sadness, anger, disappointment—they’re all part of being human.

A Simple Letting-Go Ritual

Here’s a gentle practice you can try the next time you feel stuck in resistance:

1. Light a candle—choose one that feels soothing or grounding to you. (Reflect & Rest is a beautiful choice here.)

2. Sit quietly, even for just a minute, and breathe. Inhale deeply. Exhale slowly.

3. Silently (or out loud) name what you’re struggling to accept. Be honest. “I’m having a hard time accepting that this relationship is over.” “I wish I didn’t have to deal with this health issue.” Let the words be real.

4. Then say to yourself: “This is what’s true right now. I can’t change it, but I can take care of myself through it.”

5. With each breath, imagine softening your grip—just a little.

You don’t have to do this perfectly. Radical acceptance is a practice, not a one-time thing. Some days it might feel easier than others. That’s okay.

You’re Not Alone

If letting go feels hard, you’re not failing—it just means you’re human. We all carry things we wish we could change. But little by little, when we learn to accept what is, we create space for what’s next. We lighten our emotional load. We come back to ourselves.

And sometimes, all it takes is a small moment—a breath, a flicker of candlelight, a whisper to ourselves that we’re doing the best we can.